Monday, January 30th, 2006...10:07 pm
Austrayan Values: a sense of bollocks
I was quite inspired by the Prime Minister’s Austraya Day address on history. In fact, I came over all Melleuish.
After reflecting, I decided that our plans to celebrate the beginning of the asian lunar new year in fact were a black armbanded slur on this magnificent country. So we went to the show in Bungendore, a little town just north of Canberra, secure in the knowledge that we were contributing to the continuation of our shared Judeo-Christian British culture. I found it quite enlightening, and the Prime Minister’s words sprang unbidden into my head as I wandered.
There is much in American society which I admire, but I have long held the view that the absence of an effective safety net in that country means that too many needy citizens fall by the wayside.
Indeed. No one will flog yer bundy while you’re stonkered at 11 am at a country show. And don’t you find a sense of balance is often best accomplished when supine?
I said that Australia’s crowning achievement, borne of its egalitarian tradition, was its social cohesion. I still believe that.
And it’s true. Everyone hates a frickin’ pipe band.
Australians, whatever their background, deserve to be treated with tolerance and with respect.
Except the dog fanciers. They’re weird.
What’s more, since we’re now rid of the oppressive yoke of political correctness, I am free to include this photo solely to point out that there were a large number of midgets hanging around this dog. Three is a large number of midgets to casually encounter, right?
As I’ve said before, as a Government we are willing to meet the Indigenous people more than half way on this road.
And they will not fear us, as we will be bearing cuddly tokens of comfort and esteem.
Within limits, all Australians have the right to express their culture and beliefs and to participate freely in our national life.
Upper class gits can now roam free, dressed as once they would only be in private. Except those in Parliament, who shall continue to wear suits in public.
Nor should it be at the expense of ongoing pride in what are commonly regarded as the values, traditions and accomplishments of the old Australia.
Like that great spirit of enterprise and ingenuity that led some cobber to fashion an Anzac rising sun out of antique sheep drenching equipment, right?
And too often, history, along with other subjects in the humanities, has succumbed to a postmodern culture of relativism where any objective record of achievement is questioned or repudiated.
Here, I begin to falter, fearing that this could endanger the “every entrant wins a prize” philosophy that makes the country show the joy it is.
Because what will happen to vegetable sculpture in an open market?
And if the winner of the 70 years and older category isn’t productively filling her time with making Miss Havisham dolls what horrors might befall those idle hands?
But then I remembered – to grasp what I mean when I say that Australia occupies a unique intersection of history, geography, culture and economic circumstance is quite simple. Simply look at what we do.
Simply. Look. In fact I dare you to not stare at this strangely compelling shiny silver elf in early labour.
We have great cause for optimism, if we keep our balance.
Sometimes, that’s trickier than you’d think.
Welcome to the Coalition of the Gulling(TM).
30 Comments
January 30th, 2006 at 11:44 am
best frickin post ever, EVEAR
January 30th, 2006 at 2:27 pm
Agreed. Brilliant.
But what is that last animal, with the perm? Is it some kind of pony?
January 30th, 2006 at 8:50 pm
Awesome…i want pineapple head thingy…
January 30th, 2006 at 8:58 pm
Thanks – and the black thing is an UnAustralian sheep. My sister’s partner is a former wool classer and she gave us the full run down on the evils of coloured sheep – a few black hairs can ruin a whole bale of finest merino fleece. It’s because it can’t be dyed, not because she’s a racialist. Austraya’s not like that.
January 30th, 2006 at 9:09 pm
I quite like pipe bands, but then I’m downright unorstrayan. I hope the ANZAC rising sun sculpture got a prize – a labour of love if ever I saw one.
Incidentally, WTFF was the festooned leek supposed to be?
January 30th, 2006 at 9:17 pm
I want a silver elfie thing, mummay. I want it now. Or I’m going to scream…
January 30th, 2006 at 9:19 pm
‘course the rising sun got a prize, although it seemed a waste of good drenching equipment to aforementioned sister in law.
The leek is a sweet little face, Fyodor. There were many other sensational entries, which I’ll put up at Flickr when I can work out how to shrink the pictures so it doesn’t consume all the free bandwith in 5 minutes.
Ampersand, shut up and eat your fairy floss.
January 30th, 2006 at 9:55 pm
the pineapple head thing is mine. I need it for the departmental bring a plate lunch.
January 31st, 2006 at 12:49 am
ahhhh the fine art of vegetable sculpture. priceless.
January 31st, 2006 at 2:49 am
At last, a judicious appreciation of what Howard actually said. My heartiest congratulations.
January 31st, 2006 at 2:52 am
nice post
January 31st, 2006 at 3:30 am
Huh! Just another Canberra elitist mocking the simple decent dreams and aspirations of the heartland.
Got any more fruit and vegie sculpture fotos by the way? I thought I could do interesting things with a couple of martini olives but clearly I’m just a little grasshopper compared to these kung-food masters of the bush.
January 31st, 2006 at 3:59 am
Within limits, all Australians have the right to express their culture and beliefs and to participate freely in our national life.
Those are some pretty big limits he’s been bandying about lately, by the way.
Also, this post is blogging gold.
January 31st, 2006 at 4:04 am
Ana Strayan. Good subversive drag name, perhaps?
January 31st, 2006 at 4:17 am
Special for you, Nabs.
And I love it, Sam. That could be a sensational character!
January 31st, 2006 at 4:19 am
Mmmm. Crunchy! And chewy!
January 31st, 2006 at 4:22 am
By the way I have no idea why that bloody ambientirony url keeps appearing as my homepage. I think it’s left over from some prank.
January 31st, 2006 at 4:27 am
You? A prankster?
I don’t believe it.
January 31st, 2006 at 6:16 am
And I bags the potato man. Did anyone else ever play potatohead as a kid? It actually was sold as an all plastic toy with bits and pieces to stick into potatoes, but the real fun is to rummage through your old sewing boxes and drawers of saved useless stuff and see how creative you can be. Kids do much better at it than adults.
January 31st, 2006 at 7:25 am
That was excellent!
January 31st, 2006 at 11:11 am
Allow my private sentiments to be publicly splashed over this bold blog page – complete cracker Zoe, I’ve emailed you to all my friends. They’ll both be in touch shortly.
January 31st, 2006 at 11:55 am
What can I say except what everyone else said. Brilliant post.
January 31st, 2006 at 10:06 pm
so brilliantly said! so staggeringly breathtakingly embellished with images of the weirdest shit. what were the vegie sculptures about? makes me feel so proud to be austrayan!
January 31st, 2006 at 10:47 pm
Zoe,
you are the blogging business
February 1st, 2006 at 7:02 am
ha ha ha. what a late run! It is a late run yeah? ’cause you just know we will have forgotten this shiney bright thing by next vote. Or is this your new running speed, and we all stop looking around?
It’s funny the skills we hone and burnish.The different cultural (or is that marks of culture) d’tritus we read like so much entrails. Obviously i am heavily into pictures but you grasp of words is nice.(see, um try entertaining/charming/refreshing/sharpe?).
February 2nd, 2006 at 9:38 am
Is it unorstayran of me to say I hate those awful Chinese crested dogs and their owners who give perfectly respectable and normal and healthy and NORMAL dog owners like me a bad name. Freaks.
Ahem.
I also think the weird spiky orange thing (right of the Orgasmic Leek) was missing its cabanossi and squares of edam.
Also… Great post and double congrats on the blog win too.
February 7th, 2006 at 10:23 am
groovy
February 14th, 2006 at 3:07 am
“but I have long held the view that the absence of an effective safety net in that country means that too many needy citizens fall by the wayside.”
This from the man who has made a career of slowly destroying that safety net, fair industrial relations being the latest casualty. Priceless.
Great post!
April 30th, 2006 at 4:19 am
Absolutely Brilliant stuff!!! I showed this to my Indonesian fiance and she rolled on the floor laughing.
December 18th, 2006 at 1:52 pm
[...] Mine is from Australia Day (which was a long time ago, wasn’t it?) [...]
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