Tuesday, March 21st, 2006...2:08 pm
Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, but at least I do not have worms
I opened my email this morning to a message from a new friend:
Oh my God! You are the first Blog site person whose ‘stuff’ I have read- only because your site entry came up when I was searching for something entirely unrelated to you- threadworms in fact and I’ll come back to that later.
And how it has opened my eyes! Are you serious? Do you think that anyone gives a shit about your ‘stuff’? Do you not have a life? Well, I guess not as you think you look like Sade (yeah, right, if your thumbnail is you- my colleague thinks you are a guy in a dress, but I’m not that rude, there is a line) and of course you are Australian- take it from a Kiwi- being you and being Australian does not actually qualify you as anyone worth reading about and I am just so amazed (well not really as I always knew blogs/bloggers were totally anal (sorry, threadworm connection)) that you obviously think differently.
Dear me, I have never been so bored in my entire life. I would love to devote my entire lunch time to analysing your site, your pretentious use of English and your pseudocomedic sytle, but I feel that your egomaniacal and narcissistic tendencies would, to use more commas, find you, as a blogger, indifferent to such criticism and I’m fed up typing with a sandwich lodged in my mouth.
Getting back to the poor old threadworm- I fear that your life is less interesting than that of the average bottom dweller, so please, for the sake of Humanity, give up this quest to flood this World with your drivel and move on.
Please.
Pretty please.
Rigor (not my real name, but hey, I’m not a pretentious Blogperson)
This is probably a knee-jerk reaction to you bloody Aussies beating us in the pool/velodrome/games/ohshiteverything- don’t worry, we like Bronze (and 4th…)
You know, I had guessed his name wasn’t Rigor. It’s a pretty brutal name to give a kid, and anyway the email said it was from “Peter Rees”. As Peter said, he found me doing a search for “threadworm infestations new zealand”. The 7th result google turned up is:
crazybrave: February 2006 I totally started masturbating as a result of a threadworm infestation – but let’s … and recent New Zealand research which he says “indicates there are …
I hope he isn’t touching his mouth after he’s touched his bottom.
You’ll never get rid of them that way, Peter.
54 Comments
March 21st, 2006 at 4:54 am
You hafta wonder about the kinda person who takes the time to tell you you’re not worth their time.
All Peter’s achieved with the time he took to tell you that is to make himself a figure of fun for a bunch of complete strangers.
Still, if yer the kinda person who’s eye is caught by “masturbation” and “threadworms”, then I’d suspect you’d probably get off on that kinda outcome too.
March 21st, 2006 at 5:37 am
That kind of person actually puts CL in the shade.
The twit might have been tongue in cheek or digit in bum.
March 21st, 2006 at 6:33 am
That guys needs a blog…stat
(very wierd though)
March 21st, 2006 at 7:04 am
What Nabakov said. Like, why bother?
I suppose if he’s got threadworms then he’d be more irritable than the average punter. But you’ve got to wonder what’s really the matter with him — whatvere it is, I think it might be lodged somewhere deeper and less accessible than his bum.
March 21st, 2006 at 7:05 am
I quite like ‘whatvere’, even if I didn’t do it on purpose.
March 21st, 2006 at 7:08 am
oooooohhhhhh Zoe, could you just, y’know, accidently give out his email address?
isn’t he just dying for a taste of his own medicine?
March 21st, 2006 at 7:28 am
I thought it was just me that got long posts from abusive freaks telling me I was wasting my time (and wasting lots of time to make sure I knew it).
March 21st, 2006 at 7:30 am
PS – you probably really pissed him off by blogging about him emailing you to complain about your blogging.
Hee hee hee.
March 21st, 2006 at 7:34 am
PPS: (gotta think if I want to say more before I hit return)
Cozalcoatl – your gravatar is one of my all time favourite images. If you look carefully at mine you’ll see that beneath my sneakered feet is the white chalk Uffington. I was standing somewhere near its eye.
Spooky eh?
March 21st, 2006 at 8:03 am
Mighty Naomi- it is so beautiful. I have loved it since some BBC show that was on when i was a kid. Can’t remember what it was now but it had the Horse in the opening credits.
I too have stood in its head on a cold dark afternoon, getting odd looks by sheep. Soo cool
Next tattoo for sure…
March 21st, 2006 at 8:09 am
‘Rigor’ is probably his World of Warcraft character…not that there is anything wrong with that…*hem*
he could be
**Peter Rees is a freelance journalist based in Auckland, New Zealand. He is Samoan, born and raised in Wellington and a graduate from Victoria University in 1997. He has a wide knowledge of Pacific affairs having spent five years working in Apia.**
and/or
**Peter Rees was almost untouched on his way to winning his second NZ Stockcar Championship at Meeanee Speedway on Saturday night . **
but probably not….
March 21st, 2006 at 8:22 am
Bet you a hundred bucks his WoW name is “Vermox”
March 21st, 2006 at 8:28 am
Zoe does look quite a bit like me.
March 21st, 2006 at 8:45 am
“Zoe does look quite a bit like me.”
I KNEW it. I fucking knew it!
Oh, and what Nabsy said the second time.
March 21st, 2006 at 8:51 am
I googled too Coz, and my money’s on the former. What is it with these boyos? Naomi’s secret admirer was some kind of rooly excellent journalist type as well, IIRC.
March 21st, 2006 at 9:28 am
I sent Pete an email to let him know, as a mate, that I’d posted his email. He replies:
Great!
You win- maybe….
Whatever else he might be, he’s a brilliant punctuator
March 21st, 2006 at 9:29 am
Laura, you’re clearly unaware of the Labor right wingers who’ve stalked me on wsacaucus, effectively leading to my walking away from that site. (Mikey is probably labor right wing too).
Cozal, I’ll race you to get the tattoo. I’m just busting for another one, and I’ve planned that image on my back since 1999.
And I’d just like to confirm that Sade is exactly what I thought about when I met Zoe – uncanny isn’t it?
March 21st, 2006 at 9:53 am
He’s a smooth operator… a smooooth operator… meh. I vote the former too. Or possibly an identity too obscure to be googled.
]
I, too, have stood on a chalk horse, in Wiltshire, but I was too young to remember the name of it. Not too young to remember thinking that it was a very cool place to be.
[too many toos
March 21st, 2006 at 9:59 am
ooh Coz, that UK telly show – what was it? ringing a big bell in my subconscious you know.
Zoe, you know what? maybe it’s like primary school, when you shove or punch someone you like instead of telling them you have a crush. so maybe he’s got a big crush on you and just can’t express it!
either that, or he’s a tw@t.
March 21st, 2006 at 10:30 am
I never get fanmail like that! (If he’s a journo then he’s certainly a poor one. Dude, learn the basic rules of grammar.)
What’s say we Googlebomb Peter Rees so next time someone does a search for that name — say, a potential employer — they come to realise he’s a dipshit with nothing better to do than insult random strangers on the Internet?
March 21st, 2006 at 11:34 am
They probably already know he’s a dipshit etc Kate.
The Googlebomb is a powerful weapon, and with great power comes great responsibility – probably best reserved for extreme cockheads like Nige 54 (who also has a properly googlebombable name unlike Wormy Pete.
I didn’t know about the wsacaucus freaks, Naomi, and I’m very sorry if I brought up something old and bad. It sounds a bit bad.
March 21st, 2006 at 12:14 pm
Naomi- i was thinking on the lower back, i have one on my shoulder and a armband, so running out of places. Since i’m a delicate petal don’t want to look too overdone, ya know
I give blood, so caring about my fellow peep and cool body art is at war….
Zoe- Vermox…hahahaha ummm i can use that??
I had one moonbat comment twice but he was wishing a friend and his blog would die….tool
March 21st, 2006 at 12:26 pm
People find there way to your site in the weirdest ways…
I seem to recall being led here by Googling “Tony Abbott” and the ‘C’ word.
But unlike your mate Peter (aka Rigor), I quite like what I found.
March 21st, 2006 at 12:27 pm
…and by ‘there’, I mean ‘their’
Doh!
March 21st, 2006 at 2:00 pm
Yes, you’re right Laura. I’m just itching for a chance to use my meagrely blogger powers.
March 21st, 2006 at 2:16 pm
“to use my meagrely blogger powers”
This time for evil I hope.
March 21st, 2006 at 10:25 pm
First you get a ranty pants comment box in the last post, and then you get THIS!
I am so jealous! What am I doing wrong?
The only angry emails I get from readers are ones I’ve already slept with…
March 21st, 2006 at 10:35 pm
Zoe, may I interest you in a copy of the fine ‘Troll-B-Gon’ software that we use over at machinegunkeyboard.com? Detects cockheads before they post- and threadworms, to boot.
March 21st, 2006 at 11:10 pm
But wait, there’s more:
Gosh, I just realised that 15 people actually posted stuff as a result of my letter! Some of them almost seem intelligent!
Am I going to be famous now that I’m your new friend?- Zoe, I may have to eat my words (not worms) and get a blog – I’m becoming a convert. Thank you!!
Your new friend Pete, the Samoan, Wellington-based stock-car racer & journalist and one-time UK Conservative MP (and Baron) for Dover & Deal
Pete needs a hobby.
March 21st, 2006 at 11:29 pm
“Your new friend Pete, the Samoan, Wellington-based stock-car racer & journalist and one-time UK Conservative MP (and Baron) for Dover & Deal”
Over here we have a much simpler name for people like Pete. It’s ‘Westie’.
March 21st, 2006 at 11:30 pm
OK. Listen up, kids.
Would everyone please lift their game and, in particular, their banter, from “almost intelligent” to “sheeplike”?
If we all try really hard we may entice Mr. Mortis, first name Rigor, to post here instead of sending flattering emails to our hostess with the mostess. Then we can all enjoy his scintillating intellect first-hand.
LIFT!
March 21st, 2006 at 11:52 pm
He sounds vaguely entertaining, but he does sound as tho he has ‘issues.’ I reckon either a journo (as suggested by search) or some kind of bored and lonely science fartie.
March 22nd, 2006 at 12:17 am
yesss…. good point Fyodor… he should be facing his new-found friends in here and not sending love letters to Zoe, unless of course she’s cherishing the moment
March 22nd, 2006 at 12:19 am
No doubt Mr Rees is surprised that Zoe hasn’t crumpled into a small sobbing heap and removed her blog from the public domain with cries of “he’s right, it’s rubbish! How could I have persisted with this blog for so long? I have to write Mr Rees a long letter of thanks for setting me straight on all that is useful and important in the world!”
Since Mr Rees is such a big strong manly man I’m sure he can take a little stroll around the comments block with us?
Come on Peter. Don’t be a baby. If you’re man enough to attack someone you’ve never met for having the audacity to have a blog you don’t like (Did someone force you to read it? did someone hold a gun to your head and tell you to READ EVERY LAST WORD or they were going to blow your brains out?) then surely you can come here and defend yourself against a bunch of pathetic useless bloggers?
*Throws down virtual gauntlet, runs and hides behind Fyodor*
March 22nd, 2006 at 12:38 am
Like Naomi’s special journalist ‘friend’, I guess you should take this as a compliment that someone felt threatened enough by you to make the effort to write to you about it (and make themselves look like a complete tool in the process). I can’t help wishing that they would just stop being so convinced of their own importance.
The supreme irony of emailing someone your opinion about the arrogance of them assuming that other people cared about their opinion is quite special.
March 22nd, 2006 at 4:52 am
We’ve BBQ’d the kiwi.
Cracked a Lion or two.
And combed the sheep.
So where the bloody hell are you, bro?
March 22nd, 2006 at 6:23 am
Cozalcoatl, was the show called ‘The Moon Stallion’? One of my all time favourites and the g-daughters pinched my video.
March 22nd, 2006 at 6:36 am
Thanks JahTeh…i wonder if its *coughdownloadable*?
Any show with a Sir George Mortenhurze in it has to be good….
March 22nd, 2006 at 10:27 am
“The Moon Stallion” is Mr Ree’s WoW character name.
We’re getting our wires crossed here.
Vanity is my favourite vice.
You gotta wonder what Rigor wants. Well, I do. Seriously. What does he want?
Zoe, can you please ask him what he wanted his initial email to achieve?
March 22nd, 2006 at 11:56 am
Bit behind the times, but I think Moon Stallion is a fair bet – I remember Rosemary Sutcliffe’s Sun Horse Moon Horse was set on the Uffington hill (one of my faves. Unless you are thinking that Angles and Saxons show that was just an excuse to look grubby while wearing sheepskin (no, not Starsky and Hutch).
Laura – the wsacaucus trolls didn’t say nothing that didn’t tell me much, much more about them than it said about me. This is also the case with our friend Peter, erstwhile MP (that bit got me curious, must admit).
I think Fyodor is right, we must lift. But I want Peter a guarantee that the effort will bring us Peter, in person(a).
March 22nd, 2006 at 2:04 pm
The MP part may have intrigued you,but I can guess Pete has Googled his own name and made an amalgam of the results. It is also the name of a motosport rider, an MP, an artist etc etc.
I reckon this result is on the money though:
” Born 1968, Christchurch
Lars Cawley was introduced to alternative comics by his school friend Peter Rees.”
http://www.hicksville.co.nz
March 22nd, 2006 at 10:14 pm
harry, I think it’s quite clear what he wanted:
please, for the sake of Humanity, give up this quest to flood this World with your drivel and move on.
Please.
Pretty please.
Sucks to be him. LET DRIVEL REIGN! (I think I can feel a new tag line coming on. ’bout time for a new one)
March 23rd, 2006 at 12:42 am
In his case wouldn’t it be ‘let drivel rain’?
March 23rd, 2006 at 2:24 am
I agree with Cozalcoat – he needs a blog.
He’s not bad, (but not as good as Zoe).
It may simply be a ploy to import an audience.
baaah
March 23rd, 2006 at 8:55 am
Cozalcoatl, it was about the White Horse of Uffington. sorry to be so anglo-nerdy but legend has it you stand on its eye to increase fertility. My mother used to take me for walks there when I was little. and I remember the tv series was so beautiful and set in the barrows of Berkshire and Wiltshire
March 23rd, 2006 at 12:54 pm
Thanks, great and loverly memories. I stood on the (well near by)the eye, no babies, but i love it,
March 24th, 2006 at 1:57 am
You’ll only get emails like this from someone who’s jealous. They want your attention.
Your blog is one of the most interesting I’ve seen.
I’d expect JanTeh to be fearless – and fairminded, but you’ve surprised me.
You said I’m an ornament to blogging and I take it as a bit of kidding, wanting no more said. But I can say it about you, and mean it.
-Or I’ve never meant one single thing I’ve ever said.
March 24th, 2006 at 5:43 am
Bloody hell. Years of treatment and all I had to do was stand on the bloody eye at Uffington when I was there. But still time for evil plan for no. 3 if husbang isn’t keen. ‘Lets go overseas again dear, I have an urge to show Charlie and ?? the White Horse of Uffington’ then bang (hee hee) its done. Somehow I don’t think its going to be that easy.
March 24th, 2006 at 7:59 am
Oh, so that’s what’s going on with the White Horse of Uffington.
All this time I was wondering why someone bothered to carve an XTC album cover into the downs.
March 25th, 2006 at 4:30 pm
Maybe Peter Rees has a crush on Zoe and he’s just dissing her to cover up.
But the whole google threadworm thing has got to be a bit off putting, despite his overt displays of affection for her. I don’t think he’s going to have much luck, considering.
Some print media journalists have problems with bloggers coz of the declining circulation caused by the rise of online media…he could be a journo.
April 7th, 2006 at 4:37 pm
Or a community health worker stuck with the rural commmunities threadworm run.
Ooh, that’s sad. That’s worse than running the nit campaign.
April 9th, 2006 at 10:45 pm
Way to kill a thread, Dave!
May 21st, 2008 at 8:42 pm
[...] Emails may be published, particularly if they’re like this one. [...]
April 18th, 2010 at 5:55 pm
Slightly off topic perhaps, and a bit of a weird query, but I’m just looking for a bit extra information about the manufacture of UGG boots. Does anyone know which type of sheep they are made from? And are real UGG boots constructed from the same type as the many imitations?
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