crazybrave

She wore a grey raincoat and carried her walking stick about a third of the way down the shaft, with the handle arching away from her elbow. I got the feeling it was only for chasing away whippersnappers.

We got our friend Byrd to jazz up the suburban sedan a little recently with a tasteful car tattoo:

You may notice a bit of problem with that front panel there. That would be because on Friday I managed to drive into a bulldozer.

We were both going very slowly. I would hate to see what a fast bulldozer could do.

I am fairly sure that some of my answers to the insurance company’s questions will be appearing on one of those terrible “Things Idiot Drivers say to their Insurance Company” lists, viz:

“How would you describe the damage to the other vehicle?”
“Minimal. It was a bulldozer.”

“And what colour was the bulldozer?”
“Whaddaya reckon?”
“I’ll just put down ‘yellow’, will I love?”

Jethro was in the car with me but everyone’s OK. Not the car though. The car is not OK.

All of a sudden the sign on the ATM at the supermarket is not so funny as it was when I took this photoa few days ago:

You know what I’m not looking forward to tomorrow morning? Stories like this one from this morning’s Daily Telegraph:

Tony and Avril Melhem, who earn a combined income in excess of $150,000 from their Gloria Jeans coffee franchise, spent the bulk of the baby bonus they received five months ago after the birth of their daughter Sage on medical fees.

You just know it’s going to be good when they own a Gloria Jeans and have called their daughter your son’s name.

Under proposed means testing they may have missed out. Mr Melhem said: “It was really helpful as Avril had an emergency caesarean and we used it for our obstetrician and anaesthetist fees, and setting up Sage’s room with a cot, change table and stroller.”

While he understands the “spirit” of means testing, he said a combined family income of $150,000 does not go very far.

Not very far COMPARED TO WHAT?

“The baby bonus should be maintained as it provides parents with an important head start,” he said. “Means testing has a place in certain aspects of life, but in regard to bringing a new life into this world, I think that it should not be subjected to means testing.

Because that would not be Thinking Of The Children, would it?

Or try out the next colour couple:

Northmead parents-of-three, Lyndal and Thomas Spooner, who earn a combined income of about $120,000 per year, spent their baby bonus money on their mortgage.

“It is probably a fairer system if only lower-income families get the baby bonus, but people who are on a combined income of $150,000 are not necessarily well-off,” Mrs Spooner said.

COMPARED TO WHAT, Mrs Spooner?

And this is the the Tele, not the SMH. Perhaps they’re just confecting some pre-budget outrage? It will be interesting to see if any different types of stereotype representing people appear in those budget wraparound “will you be better off? fillers this time ’round. Not bloody likely.

I had so much fun doing it last year, I decided to do it again.

7:24 I don’t think I can handle the suspense any longer. *pours drink*

7:28 The ALP members appear to be quietly singing “We are the conservatives” to the tune of Queen’s “We are the Champions”. All the pretty ones are sitting right behind Wayne with their best lippy on. The plainer ones are sprinkled about and seem to all be wearing cerise jackets.

7:31 omg, heeeeere’s Swanny! Just seeing someone other than Peter Costello up there gives me a deep sense of smugness.

7:33 We live in uncertain times. This will be a budget without gimmicks or bribes. Things are tough and getting worse all over the world. The surplus is $18.5 squillion! But this will be the results of our own effort and sacrifice. Not for us the gormless pantywaist style of the last mob who just waited for all the lollies from the pinata to fall at their feet. We make it happen because we are the party of Toughness!

7:35 Labor will fulfil its promises to Battling Working Families. Labor is all about being modern, and about the future. Rich cunts will not drive modern cars in the future as we shall make them even more expensive. They will also have to pay all the tax they owe, even if it’s on a capital gain. We all have to make sacrifices, and we are for the Battlers Working Families like no government before us.

7:37 New Labor is about getting the fundamentals right. That’s why we’re going to completely re-envision the way it goes about its business. We’re going to investigate the tax system – root and branch. We’re going to get the head of Treasury to tell us what bits are rooted and then we’ll get the maths whizzes who organised our branch stacking in NSW and Victoria to fix it all up.

7:38 There will be downward pressure on interest rates. There will be downward pressure on inflation. There will be downward pressure on prices, particularly at the supermarket and the service station. In fact Labor will ensure that downward pressure is so omnipresent it is a matter of some doubt whether the daffodils will manage to raise their sunny little heads next spring.

7:41 This budget, and Labor, are about the long term. So instead of offering nasty middle class welfare like the Liberals, we’re going to decline to increase university funding.

7:44 We do really care about rural and regional Australia and so will build fancy infrastructure with bad public art every regional centre. Except Canberra, which lacks Working Families, particularly since all the public servants under the Kevin 24/7 regime glued their shiny bums to their chairs and stopped going to their homes. Without Working Families Canberra beyond the perimeter of Parliament House is a pointless waste of resources and we’re going to stop funding it altogether.

7:47 Doctors are good and we shall have more of them. Also Nurse Practitioners, especially in the country. Private health insurance is … I didn’t get that bit, he just kind of did the spirit fingers in front of his face. Medicare surcharges are bad for Working Families, and can get stuffed. You can use that money to pay for the dentist, ‘cos we’re not covering that.

7:49 Partially or Somewhat Working Families who wish to become Fully Functioning Working Families will be encouraged and supported. With cash. Non Working but Caring Families will get some more help.

7:51No more baby bonus for the toffs! No matter, they’ve already got a plasma telly. What’s this – childcare rebates through the roof! Non Indigenous parents who are on welfare won’t get the rebate because they are not Working Families and don’t use childcare. They may be send to the naughty step clutching their debit card just like the Indigenous parents because they are not Working Families either we are not racialists.

7:53 Superannuants who pay no tax and have become accustomed to randomly appearing government cheques in the mail are safe and need not take up the pokies to fulfil their need for surprise windfalls.

7:55 We’re tough. You didn’t think we could be this tough, did you. Well showed you. Damn missed another bit, something tricky about climate changes or the environment, as we have two relevant Ministers and at least one of them needs to be kept busy because we’re not only tough, we’re visionary.

8:02 It’s over. Swanny smiles, but thinly.

8:04 Oh dear, Brendan doesn’t look well. He’s kind of bending over,and a bit green around the gills. I think he’s just vomited into the Despatch Box. Malcolm Turnbull is looking at the Coalition members. One by one. He looks concerned, yet stoic. Just over his shoulder you can almost make out the shadow of a shiver slowly circling the opposition and fading, fading …

I have finally got my cookery blog up and running, at http://www.progressivedinnerparty.net

I’m hoping to have some guest posters, so if you’re interested, leave a comment or email me. All aspects of food (and food shopping) cookery (and cookery books) and eating are welcome – and I don’t eat out much (thanks, kids) so reviews are also welcome.

PS All can play. Laura, I am awaiting your post on the benefits of muesli for dinner.

1. Dude, have you considered chucking your brown eye at people on the way in to Queanbeyan, as opposed to those leaving? You are only acting to confirm the prejudices of Canberra based snobs* on the way back to civilisation, eg me.

2. Have you also considered that I am warm and comfy in my car, and you’re the one standing on a grassy verge with your arse in the air?

Yours sincerely

Zoe

* There is actually quite a lot to like about Queanbeyan. My prejudice stems from when we first moved here (from Enmore, near Sydney’s epicentre of Thai restaurants) and looked to rent a house there, thinking it would be cheaper. It wasn’t, but what really sealed the question was the sandwich board outside a Thai restaurant on the main street saying “A Thai meal doesn’t have to be hot or spicy!”. Well, actually, it does. Der.