Tuesday, June 2nd, 2009...10:20 pm
I have needs, you know
To celebrate the joy that is finding out that Liam can resurrect your neglected blog after you’ve casually deleted it, I present you with my annotated needs, via Pavlov’s Cat, Bernice Balcony and Uncle Google:
Zoe needs To Assert Dominion Over Her Pod
Indeed, the Pod is a malestorm of coughing, deep sookiness and explosive diarrhoea. In fact if anyone fancies swapping pods for a few days, please do leave a comment.
Zoe needs a middle name
Correct. Not only is “Ann” dull as dishwater – lacking even an elevating “e” – I was named for my paternal grandmother, who turned out to really be called Nancy all along. Things could have been worse, as my maternal grandmother’s name was Ethel Mary.
Zoe needs a stylist and food
Correct, but not in that order.
Zoe needs to wear pants.
Oh, pants to that.
Zoe needs (Bristol) is on Facebook.
I don’t need Bristol, especially not if it’s Bristol Palin. And yes, I am on Facebook, but only fleetingly these days.
Zoe needs an intern.
And a dry cleaning account.
Zoe needs a reality check.
Because if I don’t, this kind of shit will happen.
Zoe needs more Space at Zac Posen Fall Winter Fashion Show.
So she can get a good backswing up on her handbag and take a few of these skinny-legged idiots out.
Zoe needs a sister but she’s not getting one.
My 70 year old mother would heartily agree, while pointing out that Zoe already has a perfectly serviceable sister.
Zoe needs a good home.
Housetrained, affectionate, vaccinated and wormed – c’est moi.
15 Comments
June 2nd, 2009 at 11:26 pm
Well since Liam has breathed new life into this blog (it wasn’t always just about the food, remember?), I feel it incumbent upon me (ie pissed and listening to Serge Gainsborg) to respond to this meme.
NB: I’m being strictly constructionist about spelling here. So I hope you know yer ice hockey terms.
“Nabakov needs competition in net”
More like I’d sorta welcome it but ain’t too fussed.
“Nabakov needs to take a page out of my ex girlfriend’s playbook and seal off the five hole.”
Really I don’t think I do.
“nabakov needs to take a “vacation” hes too good!”
How can you argue with that? I can’t. Especially the “vacation” bit.
“Nabakov needs to quit slashing players that are on the other team”
My claws don’t sharpen themselves, y’know.
“nabakov needs to play much better than he did today”
Shall I say it again very loudly this time. “I’m not a pressure player!”
“Nabakov needs to step up his game another notch though”
Oh get fucked. Reminds me of my school reports.
“nabakov needs to show up tonight like he did last night”
Heard that before. Don’t need to hear it again. Try leaving your mobile on this time.
“nabakov needs a break”
Well that should be bloody clear by now. Now where can I give you one?
“Nabakov needs a couple of games off to be healthy”
Healthy for what?
“Nabakov needs some rest”
True. Goodnight.
June 3rd, 2009 at 8:04 am
Bam, back again, huh, on track again, two zeros ’round the bend, some ‘o y’all black again. Ressurection is in full effect, boyeeee.
I hereby dub this blog “Zombie Crazybrave”. Like, err, Buffy in those last couple of seasons.
If they want to approach the net that closely, N, I say let them have your backhand upside the face and a haughty stroll back to the baseline to wipe the teeth and blood off on the sponsor’s towel. WWZFD (What Would Zombie Federer Do)?
June 3rd, 2009 at 5:36 pm
Yay! Nice necromechanics, Haiku Hoges.
ZOEMBIE. NEEDS. BRANES!!!
June 3rd, 2009 at 6:51 pm
I was working in the lab late one night/When my eyes beheld an eerie sight/For my monster from his slab began to rise/And suddenly to my surprise/He did the mash/He did the monster mash, etc. etc.
June 3rd, 2009 at 7:24 pm
I considered doing this meme, but all I get when I put Kate into Google is a whole lot of other Kate’s who’ve already done the meme. Tis way too postmodern and makes my head explode.
June 4th, 2009 at 8:21 pm
OMFG Zoe has updated Crazybrave!! To celebrate, Naomi needs … well, first she needs to ignore the two Naomis who got in first. Here’s the thing:
Naomi needs a caring mother now (adoption)this one bad because someone is giving away their baby, but yes, I do. Know any caring mums who are willing to adopt 40 year olds?
Naomi needs a valium most days
Naomi needs anger management lessons most days
Naomi needs to know how i feel about her trying to change me don’t change a thing petal, I don’t give a rats
Naomi needs glasses yep, and I like them
Even Naomi needs a rest yep, lucky it’s a long weekend coming up because after a month of 50 hour weeks I’ve had it
Naomi needs meme whoever needs a meme?
Naomi needs your votes heh, not right now but mebbe one day
Naomi needs help assume this means around the house. Yes please, preferably handy young heterosexual man with penchant for cleaning and shopping. Oh, you mean that such a man doesn’t exist?
Naomi needs a new weave yes, was thinking about a new rug just the other day. For the floor, that is.
June 6th, 2009 at 4:22 pm
I have Chelsea Hotel stuck in my head now, but with the words ‘I have needs, I don’t have needs. I have needs, I don’t have needs’ instead. It’s scaring me.
June 8th, 2009 at 11:26 pm
I’ve no idea what this “[x] needs” meme thing is all about. Is it permissible to leave a comment simply to express joy that ZOE’S BACK?
June 9th, 2009 at 10:50 am
Why, yes it is. Be my guest.
June 10th, 2009 at 2:07 am
Thank you, I think I will. ZOE’S BACK! YAY! Ahem.
Okay, I think I’ve worked out the meme. But I get nine “Mark needs a chick”s and “Mark needs a room” (which is, I suppose, encouraging, should a chick decide to meet my needs). But now I feel lonely and miss my ex. So, y’know, your fault.
June 10th, 2009 at 9:22 am
As a fellow ‘Ann’ sufferer, all I can say is
HUZZAR!!!
June 20th, 2009 at 10:12 pm
one of my bruth’s middle names (long and boring story) is Arthur, after our Paternal Grandfather, who turned out to really be called Cyril all along. ahh, kooky ole grandparents.
also, don’t forget, you only need to wear pants if you’re cooking bacon.
June 22nd, 2009 at 10:02 am
Most baroque innuendo ever?
I like to say this sentence in Arnold Schwarzenegger’s voice. COOKING BACON.
July 6th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
“as my maternal grandmother’s name was Ethel Mary” – you think that’s bad? My paternal grandmother’s name was Ethel Maude!
And my parents decided to re-arrange my first and second names (so my used name is technically my second name) so that I would have the same initials as hers. Annoying to this day.
At least they didn’t name me after her.
If you decide to look for a good home after all, AND if you bring the Sichuan red-cooked beef with you, you can crash at my place. We have carpet.
July 8th, 2009 at 8:16 pm
Liam:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/fncll/2129889439/
says it all
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