crazybrave

To celebrate the joy that is finding out that Liam can resurrect your neglected blog after you’ve casually deleted it, I present you with my annotated needs, via Pavlov’s Cat, Bernice Balcony and Uncle Google:

Zoe needs To Assert Dominion Over Her Pod
Indeed, the Pod is a malestorm of coughing, deep sookiness and explosive diarrhoea. In fact if anyone fancies swapping pods for a few days, please do leave a comment.

Zoe needs a middle name
Correct. Not only is “Ann” dull as dishwater – lacking even an elevating “e” – I was named for my paternal grandmother, who turned out to really be called Nancy all along. Things could have been worse, as my maternal grandmother’s name was Ethel Mary.

Zoe needs a stylist and food
Correct, but not in that order.

Zoe needs to wear pants.
Oh, pants to that.

Zoe needs (Bristol) is on Facebook.
I don’t need Bristol, especially not if it’s Bristol Palin. And yes, I am on Facebook, but only fleetingly these days.

Zoe needs an intern.
And a dry cleaning account.

Zoe needs a reality check.
Because if I don’t, this kind of shit will happen.

Zoe needs more Space at Zac Posen Fall Winter Fashion Show.
So she can get a good backswing up on her handbag and take a few of these skinny-legged idiots out.

Zoe needs a sister but she’s not getting one.
My 70 year old mother would heartily agree, while pointing out that Zoe already has a perfectly serviceable sister.

Zoe needs a good home.
Housetrained, affectionate, vaccinated and wormed – c’est moi.

I am fairly certain that Pat Mullins is involved. God, I hope so.

1. Dude, have you considered chucking your brown eye at people on the way in to Queanbeyan, as opposed to those leaving? You are only acting to confirm the prejudices of Canberra based snobs* on the way back to civilisation, eg me.

2. Have you also considered that I am warm and comfy in my car, and you’re the one standing on a grassy verge with your arse in the air?

Yours sincerely

Zoe

* There is actually quite a lot to like about Queanbeyan. My prejudice stems from when we first moved here (from Enmore, near Sydney’s epicentre of Thai restaurants) and looked to rent a house there, thinking it would be cheaper. It wasn’t, but what really sealed the question was the sandwich board outside a Thai restaurant on the main street saying “A Thai meal doesn’t have to be hot or spicy!”. Well, actually, it does. Der.

I am just not sure. Our camping trip was certainly made more bearable by the presence of several tins of Aldi creamed rice, but (fortunately back at home) the end of an Aldi cotton bud came off in my ear and I had to go to the doctor to get it out but IT WASN’T THERE ANYMORE!

I think on balance I say a qualified yes to Aldi. The qualification being don’t buy their cotton buds.

Disclosure: I also have an Aldi fish poacher. Although Duck’s Beloved has an Aldi unicycle which I believe trumps all.

We are having a bit of domestic discussion about this phrase, which seems to be from the movie “Kenny”.

Owen is of the view that the “bum” in question is a homeless alcoholic type who has found a full packet of smarties, consumed them, and gone off on a crazed blood sugar high. However, I think Owen is wrong and that his explanation amusingly shows up his hypochondriacal Virgoan tendencies. I think the truly stupid thing would be to stuff one’s rectum full of smarties. Now that is silly. Also, it is funny, whereas only Virgos think that indigent alcoholics having insulin attacks is the kind of thing that you would make up a joke about.

If anyone goes to those nerdy pedant sites and can nail the origins of this one for me, I’d be very grateful. Also happy to hear anything you’d care to make up.

Look down.

Not here, idiot.

Home from hospital and Jethro doing well, but more of that another time. I found I missed the interwebs when I was away, especially things like this:

and in particular this:

both from here (some of the pictures have boobs in them).

Well, that’s what my niece calls them.

On RN’s breakfast show this morning, the Melbourne University bloke described how tops HECS was because it eliminated the upfront cost barrier to entering university.

I hope he just spins, and doesn’t teach anyone anything. Like logic, for example.